Mother’s Day is upon us. One day where we repent and honor the woman we have agonized, frustrated, bewildered and inflicted excruciating pain
upon. Even still she suckled, nurtured, repeatedly forgave and loved us silly.
(At least) on this one day be sure to walk through the door with a big bouquet of flowers, long enveloping hugs and wet kisses. Make sure she knows she is special, loved and appreciated – she deserves it.
Now, a few tips for the other 364 days a year ;-)
8 Reasons You Shouldn’t (always) Listen to Your Mother
Momism #1: "Wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident!"
Truth: When emergency-room personnel cut the clothes off trauma patients, Dr. Alexander says, it's done so quickly that they never pay attention to whether the underwear is stained, dirty, or full of holes.
Momism #2: "Don't go out without a coat or you'll get sick!"
Truth: Colds and flu are not caused by catching a chill or by dejectedly walking home from your girlfriend's in the rain without your rubbers. Nonetheless, this myth persists, largely because most people get sick during winter, when these situations commonly occur. Dr. Alexander suggests that it may even be possible to think yourself ill. If you dread damp feet, your brain may depress your immune system when it happens.
Momism #3: "Keep touching yourself, and it'll fall off!"
Truth: There's no evidence that doing “that” will cause your staff to revolt. Such exploration is "a normal part of growing up," says Dr. Alexander.
Momism #4: "Someday your face will freeze like that!"
Truth: No matter how far you stretch the corners of your mouth or how deeply into your nostril you plunge your tongue, facial muscles will never become paralyzed as a result.
Momism #5: "You're gonna fall and crack your head open!"
Truth: Your skull can split like an egg, but it would require a severe impact, such as falling into the corner of a coffee table, says Larry L. Alexander, M.D., an emergency-room physician at Baylor Medical Center. "You're much more likely to fracture your skull."
Momism #6: "You'll poke someone's eye out with that!"
Truth: It's impossible to "poke out" an eyeball with a sharp instrument. What you'll probably do is pierce or rupture it. To actually pop an eyeball out, Dr. Alexander says, you "have to get in there with your fingers and pull it out."
Momism #7: "If you break a leg, don't come running to me!"
Truth: It's unlikely that you'd be able to run with a broken leg, but you could still walk. Dr. Alexander has seen people with broken legs walk into the E.R. "It hurts like crazy," he says, "but the muscles spasm and produce enough support to bear weight."
Momism #8 - "You pick your nose like that you might accidentally pull out your brain"
Truth: Uh, no.
Mom Make You a Little Loco Sometimes?
Stop These 5 Annoying Mom Habits
1. She musses your hair: The greatest intimacy between a mother and son occurs during early childhood, and hair- mussing is one way she showed her affection then. Or maybe she pinched your cheeks or, even more harrowing, pulled you close to her bosom. She's just reverting to old habits. Tell her it makes you feel silly. If that doesn't work, be thankful you still have hair to muss.
2. She calls you Joey or some other embarrassing childhood nickname: Again, she's relating to you the way she used to. If you've asked her to stop without success, do this: Think of an equally humiliating nickname for her. We suggest Bobshe, Bobba, Nana, Gammy, or Muz. Call her this in public. When she tells you to knock it off, propose a truce.
3. She visits unannounced: Don't let her get away with this more than once, or she'll be all over you like a full-length girdle. Tell her you enjoy seeing her, but she must call first.
4. She hollers at you on the phone: Hang up. That's right, cut her off in mid-wail. When she calls back, explain that a sustained holler of a certain pitch and tone can disconnect a phone. Suzie Bolotin, two-time national hollerin' champ, says that if she holds a particular note for a long time, she can trigger this "hang-up frequency."
5. She calls to remind you about every little thing: She's probably feeling lonely and unneeded. Be a good boy and listen. Just keep repeating the following four phrases in the order given: (1) "Uh-huh," (2) "No kidding!" (3) "That's too bad," and (4) "It's probably benign."







Recent Comments